Starting Fresh

I used to blog on Xanga, then I gave it up. it's been three weeks since I stopped blogging, and I miss it. Mostly because writing is a way for me to release emotions and express myself. Kinda like painting, only words seem to come quicker for me than my paintings do. I gave it up because other people were ruining it for me, causing drama, acting immature. It's what comes if you use your blog for complete honesty, but I don't count my losses. I'm teaching myself how to let go of the past that caused me to build walls up around myself, and I'm slowly tearing those walls down. I've been learning to love myself, and to understand that I am worth loving too. So here I am. Real. Fresh. Living. I have a new philosophy--- you must hope for something, you must use truth to seek it out, and you then will be able to love and be loved.
I'm a girl. I try to tell people I'm not a romantic, but it's all lies. Some people believe that I'm cynical, but that's also untrue. Or, atleast it is now. It may have been true at some point, but not any longer.
So. I'm done with holding things back. I'm done with covering things up. I'm done avoiding truth, and settling for comfortable. Here I am world. Take it or leave it. It's true that my favourite part of staying in a hotel is finding the ice maker, filling up the bucket, and chewing the cold ice by itself. It's true that I'd rather take a later flight, redeeming a travel voucher from the airport, and allow someone who is in a rush to get home, to have my seat. I'd much rather have time to explore the location I'm at, and use the extra money to my advantage by buying another plane ticket to a place I've never been before. It's also true that I live for spontaneity, that I'm flexible to any atmosphere, and don't break when my plans get shuffled or changed. I have a low tolerance for negativity, and self absorption of others. I remind myself that life can be taken away at any moment, without anyone expecting it, and I try to live each day with a purpose. I think the best word in the english language is compassion- viewing other peoples' needs above your own, and having a desire to help make their lives better. I am passionate about art, and music, although I do not play music or sing well, I do paint, draw, and doodle on a regular basis. I strive for knowledge, I love learning new things, and I find other languages fascinating. I am not a morning person, but I am always willing to wake up before the sun just simply to see it rise. I also am not a night hawk, although I find that most of the excitement in my life occurs after 11 pm. I take people seriously, but I have a sarcastic sense of humor that I cannot hide. I would rather jump in puddles and dance in the rain than carry an umbrella. Laughter is the medicine of happiness and a fullfilling life. I drink coffee, but I do not depend on it, nor do I need it. I love icecream, especially chocolate chip cookie dough or anything of similar variety. I have kissed 5 boys in my life (no I have not dated 5) I have regrets that I have had to deal with, and live with, and some I have moved on from, others not so much. I mostly regret not taking a chance, and missing out on something great with guys. You only live once, and if you live in fear of rejection, you aren't really living. I believe in the promise of Jesus Christ, and that He forgives me even when human beings won't. He gives me a freedom that I'd share with anyone who desired it. The beach is where my heart truly is at all times of the year. But I have both roots and wings. I will not completely leave my home, my roots, in order to pursue an adventure with my wings. But I will deviate from home in order to experience my dreams instead of standing on the sidelines, watching others experience them for me. I love to travel, I love to eat. I love to write, and read, and think. This is who I am, and this is what I like.
I am real.
I am true.
I will try to hide nothing from you.