Two songs came in my head today, and I haven't listened to either of them recently at all... so I think it's pretty neat when I can learn something about myself through the songs that pop into my mind...

first was:When The Tears Fall
Tim Hughes
I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I cling to
You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me, You sustain me
My defender for ever more

When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

And I will praise You
I will Praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to You
I will praise You
Jesus praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to You

When hope is lost
I call You Saviour
When pain surrounds
I call You Healer
When silence falls
You'll be the song within my heart

I will praise You
I will praise You
When the tears fall
Still I will sing to you
I will praise You
Jesus I will praise You
Through the suffering
Still I will sing to you

When the laughter fails to comfort
When my heart aches, Lord You'll be there
When confusion is all around me
And the darkness is my closest friend
Still I'll praise You
Jesus praise You




then: (just this part)

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself
--------------------------------
So a couple things I realized from how much I love these songs...
1. For the past couple years I've been trying to praise God in my sufferings, because as sufferings increase, God's mercy remains and His grace increases too.
I put the last verse in large purple font because it's a lesson I'm constantly learning... constantly reminding myself. When the laughter fails to comfort, when my heart aches, Jesus you'll be there.
2. Then for vindicated I love that ling "I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right, swear I knew it all along" because I tend to think that I have everything figured out, that I know what's going on... and I'll believe the lies I tell myself, the lies satan tells me. And when I'm sitting there swearing I'm right, I'm wrong...always.... and that makes me flawed. But some of my flaws are fixable, some are temporary... and God's working wonders on me "I am cleaning up so well, I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself"
It's not a christian song, but it still applies. God's always whispering everything He loves about me in to my ears, and I override them with the negative things the Devil is saying, or the world tells me sometimes...and it's got to stop. i'm starting to realize that only God is truth...nothing else I'm told but what His word says...

.endless struggle.